But you don't hear me though

Yooo! I wanna scream,
Shatter glass
Shoot shards like a pool cue
And bank dat shit
In the pocket
No chalk
Extra spin
But you ain't know
That pool halls are cooler
When they are 100 ft fm your front door
And hustling
Helped make my dream come true.
Nah.
What you see
Is opportunity
Petite
Pretty enough
To almost love
Ravage instead of revere
Fulfill your half steppin
Promises
So that rape is as okay
As disbelief
Dismissal
Demand
Defiance.
I ain't even real to you
Just some
One you don't need to know
Generic cereal on the bottom shelf
Ain't taking her home to momma
Girl Friday
Tuesday morning
Thursday after work
Because you value you
And I ain't worth more
Than the violence
You created
The tornadoed lies
Swirling up dust
Choking me
Into believing
I can save my own breath
Giving it you
Draining my freedom
Until I am shackled
Endebted
Without signature or handshake
Crying.
And you ain't wiping away my tears,
Standing there
Wasted condom
Expecting my voice
To respond to nuanced demands
Dancing around
Like the ring I'll never see
Or public I'm not worthy of.
See,
Rape
Reveals the ugly
Leaves the wrapper on the floor
Runs through every relationship
Until you expect
Disadvantage
In exchange for like
Intimacy
Broken bridges crossed
Again and again
Looking for the rope burn
The knot to hang on to;
It ain't there
Like my trust
It swings skeptically
Skipping over
The sadness
Sitting next to you
Laces tied
Hamstrings stretched
Waiting to pick up
The baton and run
Run
Run
Furiously far away
Fm you
Pretending to cheer me on
Divesting my attention
Driving me to devalue
When all I want is
What you ain't wanna give.
Rape doesn't begin
At no
Pressed between
Strength and stupidity
Society and self
It's pissing on the sacred
Dissipating
Drowning
Daring to tear truth
Rather than wait to experience her;
Domestic terrorism
Is a learned behavior
And I'm hoarse
Hands crusted and cut up
Chalk board full
Handouts at the back door.
Class dismissed. 

Ghosting

Ghosts 

slip into humanity

and leech souls

We are left with the shells of people

we are supposed to love

We kiss them

inhaling empty ugliness

let it expand how we breathe

until we collapse

exhaling

dreams 

shredded

as they climb the shards of lies

embedded in esophagus 

bleeding their way out

Ghosts hunt

feigningly

they become the fallacy

we need

to fear less

and touch more

they melt with ambivilence

a smile

desperation

misplaced desired

is easy to wear 

when it's attractive

It's prettier that way

Then we forget

they are ghosts.

 

NEW SHOW (((EAT PRETTY ON A BUDGET!))) EGG PLANT PARMESAN!

Girls Night out

Whisky and starlight
doesn't celebrate women
quite the same
when 2 of us are black and seated
like oreos

the sandwich cookies
closing in on the double stuffed booth
sweet with denial
crunchy
tasteless

pane glass segregation
reserved to watch back door exits in
March rain
arriving late
centering herself

swallows 3 glasses
of discomfort
contorting narratives that lie to each other
in between polite bites
of food she never intended to eat

or listen
She drove for the echo
Her ego took the chance
but there was change in this chamber
Grace

is the bullet
grazing through
her Bullshit
as I go deeper into myself
looking for the grip of human extension

her hand is limp
she's a long drive away
from gathering her scattered wisdom
and ever seeing me
again.

Friends

To who it may concern
I haven't the skills of relationship
that soft interpretation of the unsaids
got lost when I wasn't allowed
to be a friend

I was confined to surmount circumstances
make up for choices
define another before I knew
who I was
or if I liked her

I had imagination
friends who listened with creativity
walked boldly into my dreams
held my hand
and waited for my smile

Nobody saw them but me
They escaped
left me to fight the words of high school boys
disfiguring my frame
on a daily

Friend became this telephone distant
only defendable
when it's not punitive
failing
fallacy

I cried for acceptance
but was given awards
trophies collect dust
and are painful
to hug

If you choose me,
I own my imperfectly human
desire to stay starry eyed
to find more than disappointment
in being a friend.

Guerrillas

Silverbacks dance free
high up in the hills
clutching to clean mountain air
shrouded and lush
sophistication

I peer
dew drenched
like an akward student
between observation and actual study
hesitant

death tastes like defense
instinct and bloody canines
the rustle
the wrestle
the resistance

domain detracts
the delicacy of living
shrinks symbiosis
makes our diet of grapes
a handful of raisins

My society says you are
more me
than I am to myself
easily
existing

I crave more than your exotic
closer than the distance
of otherness;
Your fur is soft and warm
if I trust

Friday

I was
elected
evolved out of Irish Pubs
Concrete
and a flirty spirit

I sat at the corner
of barstool conversations
and art
nursing them
like craft beers

both conduit and messenger
a mediocre conjure
bubbled before our eyes
and sat in the center
of us 6

between laughter and connection
we built bridges
out of a lexicon
left the world
different

smolders of understanding
hidden in the rafters
and hugged us
like eternity was
holding our hands

Or at least
watching
from the top of the stairs
framed
smiling